Thursday, July 31, 2008

Get out the Brass Knuckles...

Tomorrow is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday! Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, I am so very glad to officially announce tomorrow as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! There are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
* CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your assault must be followed with something like 'cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!'
* If questioned by a supervisor or police, (if the supervisor is the irritant), you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a GREAT DAY!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

So Fresh and so Clean...

From Harper-Collins

Riders, get ready!

The biggest bicycle race in the world is about to begin—the Tour de France. Lance Armstrong is the fastest, most famous bike rider in the world, so what could go wrong?

Plenty!

From rainstorms to crashes to cows in the road, Lance goes the distance to show that winners never quit. And—while Lance pedals—you'll enjoy discovering funny details and recurring characters in art that gives a spectacular view of the race.

Not too mention all the meanie's who try to derail Lance; Simeoni, the Vampires, American hating French media, Walsh, finding the right make-up to cover the needle marks, being able to dispose of trash indiscreetly, the double-crossers who leave his team to dope for another team, and all the women who don't understand that he should be able to cheat on them. I know what I"m getting the SMithers kids for Christmas!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Look Fast?

Cause I sure as heck don't ride fast, my times were way off my PR's set 2 years ago.
Hanz wasn't there so Franz was cuddling up to me!

photos courtesy of Tom Stuart

Sunday, July 27, 2008

It's the Shoe Covers

National Champ sez his secret is the silver shoe covers. The Silver Bullet delivered again with a pr in the flying 200 of 11.49 and a 3:40 3k and a 1:09 kilo, all bests for the day.

The legendary Bobby Williams holding the Linzilla....

Tom Who?

Friday, July 25, 2008

Hot/Not Hot


Hot
1. Greg Lemond sightings: Pictured above, with Jim Johnson (Swanson Bros uncle) last Saturday.
2. 2008 Track Scratch Race Champs: Brain Crosby/Linzilla Hamilton
3. Aliens exist: that explains Super-Rookie
4. Peter Schweich: 1st night as Cat 2 on track, wins Tempo Race and Miss-n-Out (I had already eliminated Crosby earlier in the missnout)
5. Double Race Weekend: Saturday: Omnium Event at the track, Sunday: State Crit @ the Capitol Building in St. Paul

Not
1. Tour de France: In Yellow Yoda is, hmmmm...
2. Masters 35+ CX riders: they all need Sastre's binky
3. Track officiating: blind in one eye, can't see out of the other (according to Big Dave, Pederson and others, I nipped Brain, but Crosby has protected rider status, they couldn't eliminate him early in the race so they let him stay in)
4. Bike Thiefs: Goldmember and this one...
5. Cancelled Bloated Military Expenditures
6. Late Addition: State Championship Scratch Race: schedule posting not clear.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Uptrack My Ass!

Quote Timmer: "Uptrack My Ass"
This is out in Portland, the EVO guy who started this goat-f#ck raced here at the FGC....

Friday, July 18, 2008

Hot/Not Hot

Hot
Mark Cavendish - 4 TDF Stages and Counting
Pat Lemieux - Road Wins/Track Wins - Pattycakes wins em all!
Meow - C&A
TIME Shoes - Everyones' wearing them

Not Hot
Bike Throw - filtered at BAE (see above)
Recorders in the Track Infield - enough already
Circus Races at the Track: It's called RACING
Skibby - Old and Slow
Mancrushes on Pro Dopers

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Somethings missing...

rode the last 6 miles home from the track like that tonight, freaking saddle fell off, I crawled around in the dark with my light but couldn't find the bolt... guess it's good off the saddle training?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Fat = Happy

Huh? I was thinking more along the lines of pizza, cookies and ice cream!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Meow Found My Cookies

Hot/Not Hot

I know this is overused and copyright Velonewz but I've got no blogging game anymore...

Hot
Madison Racing at the Track (9 teams last night!)
Hopkins Crit
Cookies at the Track
Metro Area Races
Cat 6 Moustaches

Not Hot
Outstate Racing
Chip Timing
masters racing
Scruffy beards

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Next Columbian Climber

Just wait, in about 20 years "Lito" will be the next great Columbian climber!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Bratva

Yes Vladimir, Yuri is teaching me this track racing thing, soon we will own this track and the mission will be a great success!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

terribly boring


my blog has become terribly boring. I don't have any funny skibbyshops in my brain anymore, I don't have any good pictures to post and I don't feel like bitching about anything or praising anything. I am excited that the tour is starting on Saturday. Frankly, my favorite races are the Spring Classics, but the tour is nice, because I can fall asleep to it every night for 3 weeks...

photo credit Andy Frye